New Site Location

While i have enjoyed being on blogger, i have decided to move Cooper Street Relic to a new site on Wordpress. It gives me a few more options that i can experiment with. Here is the link and thank you for reading.

Cooper Street Relic

The Garden

"They paved paradise and put up a parking lot"..Joni Mitchel's paradise may have been paved over but mine had 2 houses put on it. This is a story about that.
Last weekend was the McLaughlin family's annual reunion and as always happens when family gets together in our advancing years, we talk about many things but the past is always prominent. A subject that a few of the cousins and i discussed was the "Garden". And as Joni wrote in her song "Woodstock" "We got to get back to the garden".
Now this garden sat beside the old family home on Cooper Street and during the 60's it was like a haven to many of us, and it seemed to go on forever and ever, and to everyone in the family it was paradise. There was everything in it,peas,beets, raspberry and strawberry bush's,potatoes, onions, tomatoes, rhubarb and just about anything else you could think of. And come August corn stalks so tall we little ones could hide in them, and we used to play constantly in the garden eating the fresh veggie and fruits much to our Grandmother's chagrin, and the big Cherry tree beside it was just the icing on the cake.
Sunday dinners always meant fresh veggies and plenty of fruit for desert, and i never thought that we were an ordinary working class family, i thought we were farmers, Gawd those were beautiful day's and during the summer the sun setting on the garden would have made a beautiful postcard.
Ah, but those day's are gone and as the Sixties came to an end so did the garden. First the far section was sold to build a house and for a few years the garden still survived and produced great product. But after Grandma McLaughlin's passing things rapidly changed and a few years later we moved out of the big house and built another one right beside it that took up most of what was left of the Garden, even though my Uncle Alex stayed in the big house and kept a little version going, it was never the same. Now as i walk or drive past the property and i see flowers growing in the property's i feel that we had a little something to do with that, even though Paradise has been paved over. Lord on day's like this i miss that garden!

----------------
Now playing: Joni Mitchell - Big Yellow Taxi
via FoxyTunes

From the Original Hespeler Herald

HESPELER HERALD-JAN. 27, 1922

Ed. Cutting had the misfortune to have two fingers of his right hand amputated while at work on a press at the Stamped and Enamelled Ware plant yesterday afternoon.

Ed Cutting had various jobs in Hespeler. He delivered coal by horse and wagon and he worked at the Stamped Enamel. His son Clarence recalled that during his employment at the "Stamp" Ed lost part of his finger. When the doctor arrived, he took the severed finger and through it out the window into the Speed River. Ed and Margaret lived across from the mill out by "Blackbridge". They also lived on Henderson Street in Hespeler. In later years, they lived in Puslinch , past the golf course.

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Summer(past and present)

Just a small video of Summer. Pictures from my past and present.

Hot Potato #7

The summer is always a slower time but i still have a few weird thoughts and things to get off my mind so here are some more. Enjoy!

My Lawyer is an idiot, he got me into the Jehovah Witness protection program
4 out of 5 doctors recommend i go see another doctor
Virus is a Latin word meaning"your guess is as good as mine"

As i said before, i never repeat myself
There are no Stupid Questions, just inquisitive idiots
Honk if you like peace and quiet

There is no "Ctrl" button on Chuck Norris's computer...chuck Norris is always in control
Is a stolen Yam a Hot Potato?
I have a new pen name...i call myself BALLPOINT

My wife complains about how long it takes to water the plants..hey my bladder is only so big
I signed up for an Origami class, but it folded
Murphy was an optimist

My ex Mother in law buried 3 husbands and 2 were just taking a nap
Forgive your enemies, but never forget their names
The day after tomorrow is the third day of the rest of your life.


Well that is it for now but remember
I still have a full deck, i just shuffle a little slower now.

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The Throne Room has been invaded.

I've had it, my space has been invaded, let me tell you about it. You know, they say that a man's home is his castle(don't tell my wife that though)and in my castle i had everything where i wanted it, or at least did until the grandchildren started to get older and discovered a few things. Now when i turn on my computer the first thing that comes up is the latest Miley Cyrus news, when i go to my music, somehow Jesse McCartneys music has found it's way onto my playlists. I go to get into the shower and i have to clear out a rubber duckie or two, and if i watch another eposide of "Wizards of Waverly place" it will be too soon. I went to get my lawn mower out of the shed and had to dig thru 4 soccer balls and a ton of badminton rackets and birdies, plus untangle the net that was put away"neatly"(yeah, right.) Now my beer can't go in the main fridge, as it has been replaced by Kool-Aid Koolers, my cheese mysteriously get's eaten and i have rediscovered the taste for Pop Tarts. Buy some oranges for a late night snack? Nope, they are gone before i even get close to them and i swear the one granddaughter should be swinging from trees as she eats bananas like there is no tomorrow. But the final straw occurred this past weekend, for in every castle is a throne room and of course for the modern man his throne room is the bathroom. And so Saturday night i went in to do what i do and as i reached into my Newspaper basket to grab some intellectual reading material i blindly opened what i thought was a book of mine i realized that what i had gotten a hold of was in fact one of my granddaughters Dr. Seuss books. I let out a blood curdling scream as i realized that the last Bastien of my privacy had been toppled, i now shared my bathroom reading material with an 8 year old. How would i explain this while having a beer at the Fish with my friends" Guess what guy's? i had a great movement and read Green Eggs and ham while i was at it. No more maxim's in the crapper..oh, life can be cruel.
Cambridge Conversations

James Robert Hillis..June 25 1924-August18 1997

Last Month the Hillis family celebrated our Mothers 85th Birthday, and needless to say it was a happy time, even though my Father was only there in spirit as he had passed away in 1997. On Thursday June 25th he also would have turned 85 and i am sure a good party would have happened.
In a past story i wrote humorously about things my dad had taught me and while many were based in truth, obviously they were meant to bring a smile to everybody's face,however there were many things that i learned from my dad that were very important to who i am.
He taught me to admit when i was wrong, something that is very tough for many people to do. He taught me to drive, and to respect the road and others on it. He also made sure to let me know that you don't try to be somebody else, just be yourself. He taught me to be careful about what you say about other people, as it could come back to bite you. He taught me the importance of family, even though i didn't know it at the time. And while my Dad was big on involvement in sports, when he realized that i liked watching hockey but was not big on playing organized shinny, he was cool with it and told me to do what i liked. He tried to get me into hunting, but soon came to the conclusion that shooting animals was not in my blood and again was okay with it. But i think the most important thing that i learned from my dad was how to laugh and make people around me laugh as well. Oh, and if you have read the column on things my dad taught me, well, Flatulence and how to use it is still one thing he taught me that i still use well to this day. Happy Birthday Dad.

The Hespeler Communication Network.

One of the things about growing up in a small town like Hespeler during the 60's and 70's was the communication network that existed in the town. A lot of it was good, as a small town we had a volunteer fire department and since my dad was a volunteer the only way to get the information about a fire was for each member to have an assigned person to call. So when the fire was phoned in the system would start. The first fireman would call the next on the list and so on and so on, until everyone was notified, and no matter what time of the day, this would occur. It was never a surprise to hear the phone ring at 2:30 in the morning. If someone was sick or got hurt everyone would find out quick enough, and really anything that happened went through the communication network. Even things that would get you in trouble, trust me i know.
In the day's before Ernie's the building was known as the Queens Hotel and was a regular spot for many of the locals, including my Dad and his cronies and since it sat at the main intersection in town they could sit and watch the town(and the Characters} go by. And that is how they got me. One warm summers evening i pulled up to the lights in my Dodge Coronet, the 8 track spitting out some raucous Zeppelin tunes, and as i was prone to do, i revved the engine a few times and when the lights turned green i spun out, squealing the tires and headed up Queen Street and headed home. Now this was no more than a two minute drive to my place and as i pulled into the driveway i saw my dad standing there with his arms folded and glaring at me like i had let in a game winning goal or something. Upon parking the Dodge and slipping out the door my Dad made it clear in no uncertain terms...don't ever squeal your tires in this town, go to Preston or Galt or even better Kitchener, but do not ever, ever do it in HIS town, and while i am at it turn the music down as nobody else downtown wants to hear that metal crap and wear a seatbelt goddamn it. I stood there stunned! How in the hell did he find out in 2 minutes what i had done? There was no such thing as cell phones in those days, he didn't have ESP, so how? As he explained it later, one of his chums was sitting at the bar and saw me there revving my engine and was on the phone to the old man when i peeled away from the corner, so by the time i got home the whole story was known. And you know what was worst? Later that day i went over to a friends house and his dad laughed at me for getting in trouble doing what i did. That Damn Hespeler Communication network had nailed me and their was nothing i could do about it.

Cooper Street Relic: A Hespeler Rock band from the 70's

Cooper Street Relic: A Hespeler Rock band from the 70's

Hespeler Hideout photos

The Hespeler Hideout

I always wanted a fort and in the summer of 1974 at the age of 17 i got one. The fact that it was shared with about a dozen other guys was not a problem as it became our little hideout. A place where we could go and drink our beer and smoke our silly cigarettes without being bothered and of course entertain girls.
It sat on what is now Holiday inn Drive across from Jacob Hespeler High School and back by Hwy 401. The beauty of it was the fact that back then Holiday inn Drive stopped at the Holiday Inn and past that all the way to Townline Road was nothing but Forest, Tress and brush, plenty of trees and brush. The only way in was by foot and that suited us just fine as the Police could not get in without us seeing them and by the time they did we could be long gone. As for the OPP coming up from behind on the 401 they would be as visible as my receding hairline is now. And besides, i think the local Constabulary's were quite happy knowing that we were not bothering the citizens of the village.
I don't remember who built it or how we found it, but it was there and on any giving Friday or Saturday night you could find us sitting around the fire and just carousing and enjoying the waning day's of our youth, and if it rained, so be it we had a good roof on it. One winter we even used it despite the danger of having a fire inside of it, of course trekking up there on a cold February night was a chore but the rewards were worth it. So what brings this story on, well let me tell you.
I drive past the spot almost every day and think about the good times that were held there but had not set foot up there in almost 35 years, until yesterday. With my wife working and myself having a day off, no yard worl to do i took my camera and went for a drive and for some reason i pulled into the little parking area and stood facing the hill that the fort was on, and i began the walk up there. And the walk was just as i remembered, arduous but enjoyable, and when i got to the hill and found the spot where it stood i felt peaceful. I thought of friends that had were no longer with us and friends that i never see but for some reason i saw them there. I saw the fort, even though it was long gone, i saw the fires and i saw the forest. I know it sounds corny but i enjoyed those 20 minutes i spent there like none that i have in a long time. And as i left, reality hit me as i looked around and saw an open field., industrial malls,factory's and a busy road that at one time was deep in trees and dirt and steeped in nostalgia. Why did we stop going to the fort? I guess we thought we outgrew it, but now i am not so sure.


Photos of the remains including some of the tin and rocks used for the structure are on the previous blog.

Smiles from Above

Sometimes it seems that the mind can play tricks on you, or does it?
Baseball has been a big sport in my Dad's family as far back as i can trace. My Great-Grandfather, my Grandfather, my Father and his brother all played at one level or another. My brother myself and 4 of my cousins all played at the amateur level and reached the highest levels possible.My Younger Sister still plays on a regular basis as does her daughter, and the next generation now plays as well as my Grandson and one of my granddaughters play the game and enjoy it. And here is where i am leading up to.The sky was a little overcast as Ben and Monica's game began, and as i watched the game i lay in the grass and looked into the clouds and for a brief minute could have sworn that the clouds formed the faces of my Great-Grandfather, Grandfather and my Dad and they were smiling to see another generation of ball players in the family. After Ben singled in a run i looked again but the clouds were gone and the game went on.
Were they really looking down or was my imagination wanting them too? It really doesn't matter because i know in my heart they were there.

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When i Was a Teen

When i was a teenager growing up in this town words had a slightly different meaning:

Memory was something you lost with age
An application was for employment
A program was a television show
A cursor used profanity

A keyboard was a piano
A web was a spiders home
A virus was what you caught
A CD was a bank account

A hard drive was a long drive with my family
A mouse pad was where the mice lived

And if you had a 3 inch floppy, you just hoped nobody ever found out!

My how times have changed!

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What i hated as a kid, i still hate today.

The following list is a compilation of things i hated as a kid and i still hate today.

Being Nagged
Cleaning my room and making my bed
Just getting started on a trip and having to go pee
My Mom yelling at me, now she just does it by phone.
Brussels Sprouts
The voices in my head telling me I'm a goat
Getting dressed up
Still not old enough to 'Know it all"
First my Mom and now my wife won't let me run with scissors
Being spanked because i am a bad boy.,.wait..sorry wrong list for that one.


That is just a few of the things i hated then and now.

You've lost that loving feeling

The radio on my boyhood dresser was an old tabletop model with tubes. The top was cracked and at high volume, the busted brown plastic made it screech. My father got it when a great-aunt died i think, and it looked like the type of thing you would get at a junkyard. It was the greatest treasure he ever gave me. For with that radio he opened a new world that was hard to forget. As a ten year old the sounds that came out of that cracked jewel on my dresser changed my world. The Everly brothers, the Righteous Brothers, Simon and Garfunkle,Marvin Gaye came pouring out of that box like Angels from heaven. I had discovered music that my parents did not listen to. Sure my older brother and sister played their records and listened to their radios, BUT, THIS WAS MY RADIO,and no one was going to tell me what to listen to anymore. Elvis was the other generation and when i heard She Loves You by the Beatles and the first scream by my Dad and Mom to TURN IT DOWN i knew i had found my calling. Music,MY MUSIC, would be my salvation, it would set me free and make me different from my big brother and sister,it would allow me to define myself and create a world that i could call my own. It was CHUM,CHAM,CKWR,CFTR, all radio stations playing MY music. The Beatles, the Monkees, Neil Diamond, songs like Louie Louie, Gloria, Satisfaction,Go all the way and Moondance would be my break from reality. I could drift away in a Rock and Roll Lullabye. And as the '60s morphed into the '70s, music defined my teenage years. Pink Floyd,Led Zeepelin and Rush may have replaced the Doors, the Beatles and Simon and Garfunkle, but that radio, even though long gone,still held in my soul a very special place. Now in 2006 and i am listening to my CD's on my surround sound system, i still think back to that night when i first turned on that radio in 1967 and the strange noise began to emerge from that box. The voice sounded so sad,the sound so rich, the melody's so tight i was dumstruck by it all"You've lost that loving feelin". I can tell you i have never lost that loving feeling for the world of music. All thanks to my Father and that old cracked music box. Somewhere out in the stratosphere and the cosmos an old radio is playing"bring it on back,baby please, brink back that loving feeling"

Swinging Babes of my younger day's

One thing that no man can agree on is what makes a woman hot. some like
legs, some like figure and some like personalities. No guy can agree on
anything, what i am putting forth here,is my list of the ten
swinginest woman of my youth. They all have a little something
different and some may not be what turns others on but, it's my list so
here it goes.

10.Marilyn Monroe--The ultimate pin up girl

9.Ann Margaret--oozed sexuality

8.Raquel Welch--Nobody could beat her in a bathing suit

7.Bridgett Bardot--Even Elton John thought she was sexy

6.Ursula Andress--Or as we used to call her Ursula Undressed

5.Aretha Franklin--Made big woman and gospel sexy

4.Barbara Eden.--rubbed many a bottle trying to find one like her

3.Nancy Sinatra--Those boots could have walked all over me

2. Goldie Hawn--Sock it to me, baby

1.Elizabeth Montgomery--Man did she make witchcraft sizzle.

So there you have it, now let the debates begin.

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A Cooper Street Relic's 85th Birthday Video

Some old relics

This is a picture of my Mother, my brother and my two sisters. It was taken on may 24th on the occasion of my Mom's 85th birthday. We are truly relics!

Doing it Right[A Hespeler Video]

Just something i threw together for the Residents of Hespeler

{Sort of} A Ghost Story

I
grew up in a big old house in Hespeler, that to me was haunted. And
this is one of those story’s that could have been a great Ghost
Story, but since that would spoil the ending i will start a the
beginning.

It was a warm spring Sunday evening in 1967 and i had just finished
watching my Television programs in the living room with my family,
Gentle Ben,Ed Sullivan and Bonanza were the programs of choice. Off to
bed i went for a relaxing sleep, or so i thought. At around 3 am i
awoke to take a whizz when i caught out of the corner of my eye the
rocking chair under the window in my room was moving and a white clad
figure was occupying the chair. Frozen in bed and now unable to pee i
pulled up the sheets on my bed over my head and shivered, hoping that
the ghost would leave soon. No such luck. Every 1/2 hour it seemed i
checked and that ghost was still there and rocking the chair back and
forth. Unable to scream or even mouth “HELP” i waited for
morning and eventually dozed off thankfully.
As dawn arrived and i
opened my eyes my fear of the ghost turned to embarrassment and then
shame at what i had gone through the night before.

You see, what had happened was this. Being that it was a warm evening
my Mother had opened the bedroom window before laying a freshly cleaned
white bed sheet over the rocking chair, that just happened to have an
arched back, that created a head like shape. That and the wind nicely
blowing in the window kept the chair moving and the newly dried sheet
flowing. So it was not a ghost at all and i made it clear to my Mother
that she should never do that again. Her only comment on the
situation…how did you hold your pee so long? And now that i
think about it..how did i? Amazing the things you can do at 10 years
old.

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A Bad Family Reunion

With summer almost upon us it means one thing...Family get togethers.

Here are some signs that your family is perhaps a little dysfunctional.

Breakfast nook is now a Meth lab

Your vacations are now booked through AA instead of AAA

Your mom and sister are fighting again...over the last beer

During the family Reunion the FBI cut all power to your home

Hells Angels next door call the police to complain about you

Your son tells you he doesn't want to be your cell mate next time

You buy 4 mothers day cards, one for each of her personalities

Family Motto: Put the Gun Down

Instead of saying grace, Grandpa reads from the Penthouse Forum

No Roasted Turkey instead all you have is Wild Turkey

New government legislation to ban assault weapons specifically mentions your family.



If you recognize any of these you may be dysfunctional.

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Butterflys and Headstones

Sometimes things appear that make you think. My Mother and i spent a
little time today at the family grave plot and while planting some new
flowers at the sites of my Grandparents, my Aunt and Uncle and my
Father i watched in amazement as 4 monarch butterfly's appeared out of
nowhere and began to flutter around the graves. Eventually 3 of the
butterfly's settled on the gravestones of Dad, Grandma and grandpa and
my Aunt and Uncle while the 4th set down on my Mothers shoulder and
seemed to sit there forever. When my mother stood up after saying her
prayer the butterfly's started to stir and fly in a circle around her,
and followed us to the car where they turned around and went back to
the grave area. And as we drove away the butterfly's were all sitting
on the headstones again fluttering their wings.
The beauty of the butterfly. The spirits could not have chosen a more fitting way to appear.

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Scissors, turtles and Davinci

Leonardo Da Vinci invented the scissors

Confucius say: Man who lives in glass houses should change in basement

I believe in equality for everyone, except reporters and photographers--Mahatma Gandhi



I have one question about the Kyoto accord, how many miles per gallon does it get.

Behind every successful man stands a surprised Mother in Law

A man cannot be too careful in the choice of his enemies--Oscar Wilde



The snickers bar is now the best selling candy bar in the world

Golf is a good walk spoiled--Mark Twain

Mister dressup beats mister rogers any day

Sometimes i wonder if Angela Jolie wonders what i am wearing
Red haired men go bald sooner than any others
There are approximately 100 million acts of sexual intercourse every day

I nearly ran over a turtle today, i hate when they run out in traffic like that
Josef Stalin is buried in a Communist plot
Suppose you were an idiot and suppose you were a member of congress, but i repeat myself.


And remember the Founder of the Marlboro cigarette company died of Lung Cancer.

Jack Courtney- Super agent

My how times have changed. I had to renew my car insurance, and decided to check around for quotes. What a shock i was in for. On-line quotes have replaced the personal one on one, and when i did talk to someone they had no interest in anything but securing my business. Made me long for the old way of doing things, when you walked into an office and talked to somebody who knew you and loved to chat. Like when Jack Courtney was in business.
He was my very first insurance agent, and walking into his little cramped office on Queen Street was always a pleasure. He knew his customers well and knew the history of your family also. He always had a story to tell and wanted to know the latest jokes that you could tell him. And as always his spittoon was sitting close by for his chewing tobacco to be spit in, and on one occasion he asked if i wanted to try to hit the spittoon, needless to say i declined. His interest in his clients went as far as looking at the vehicle and finding out what he was insuring and not just taking the money and running. I never had to file a claim with him, so i don't know how he was at that but i feel it was as comfortable as getting the insurance in the first place.
I miss customer service like that.

Some Friday Afternoon Timewasters

If i were two faced would i be wearing this one--Abe Lincoln
I have found the perfect bedtime story's to put my grandchildren to sleep, recycled "according to Jim" Television show scripts.
Iguanas,Koalas and Komodo Dragons all have 3 penis's.

I need tacos or i will explode.I do that sometimes.
If you always do what interests you, at least one person is pleased.
Good looking people turn me off, myself included---Patrik Swaze

God never gives us more than we can handle,luckily a local restaurant has a big boy all you can eat buffet.
Al Capone's  business card stated that he was a used furniture dealer.
The only difference between Republicans and Democrats is that the Democrats allow poor people to be corrupt as well.

Actually you can beat City Hall. All you need is a bulldozer and a wrecking ball.
If you are feeling good don't worry, you will get over it.
Reality is a nice place to visit but i really would not want to live there.

If you can't beat 'em arrange to have them beating.
Slurm=The slime that exists under the soap bar when it sits in the dish too long.
A friend is someone who has the same enemy's as you.

And in closing remember
Woman are trouble and we Men are trouble seekers.

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More forgotten oldies

Quicksilver Messenger Service - Fresh Air

[via FoxyTunes / Quicksilver Messenger Service]

One of the great 60's era bands that seem to have been lost by the so called Classic Rock stations

What my Mother Taught me

Mothers are a strange breed indeed. They love us,they nurture us and they never let us forget it. Here are some things that my mother taught me

She taught me about death and cleanliness:
"If you're going to kill each other do it outside, i just finished cleaning"

She taught me religion:
"You had better pray that spill will come out of the carpet"

She taught me logic:
"Because i said so, that's why"

She taught me Contortionism:
"Will you look at the dirt on the back of your neck"

She taught me stamina:
"You will sit there until that spinach is finished"

She taught me about the circle of life:
""I brought you into this world, i can take you out"

She taught me about behavior modification:
"Stop acting like your father"


I owe a lot to my Mother, and i am sure so do you!

Monday Day Waste

Just sitting around and something came to me. Somethings the average guy never say's. So here are 10 things you will probably never hear me say.

Hey Bud! Is my ass too big?

Here Honey you use the remote

You know that stripper was cute, but, her breasts are too big

Ooh! Antonio Bandderis and Brad Pitt: That is one movie I have to go see

While I'm up can I get you anything?

Sex Isn't that important, sometimes I just want to be held

Awww, forget the Leaf game, Let's watch DR. Phil

Hey! Let me hold your purse while you try that dress on

How come we don't go dancing anymore

Beer! No thanks just give me a Pepsi

Blast from the Past.

(Sitting on a) Poor Man's Throne-Copperpenny

[via FoxyTunes / Copperpenny]

I remember seeing these guys at the Coronet. Wonder where they are now?

My Human gives me the blues

First let me introduce myself, my name is Sir Duke and i am a dog, a Shed Tzu to be exact and while i am waiting for one of my humans to come home from work i thought i would tell you a story. Now you may be wondering how i am writing this, well we dog's are not as stupid as some people think, i mean after all you humans do feed us and walk us when we need it and what is it with that baby talk,brrr that is scary. I am sitting here just waiting, i have rearranged the furniture twice and put it back, just slightly off so the humans will think they are seeing things. When i go for a walk it is a strange experience every time ,i mean there is always something new to see and smell. oh and pee on. I enjoy making the male human wait for me while i find the right place for a dump, and i always make sure it is far enough away from him so he has to walk to stoop and scoop. Chasing the ducks and geese on the water is fun, but i will let you in on a secret.they know i am coming and we play this game to just amuse you humans. And when another dog shows up we get to smell each other, at least that is what you think we are doing, in reality we are getting messages from the mothership,ahh got cha, no really we do like to smell each others butts, believe you me they are better smelling than my male humans gas in the morning after he has been out drinking the night before, ugggh. And do you wonder what we are doing digging holes? They are, no i think that is one secret i had better not tell. And of course the jumping up and down and seemingly happy to see you routine, well that is usually a distraction so the other dog's that are partying with us have a chance to slip out the window with out being seen. Now about naming us, how bad or hard is it to come up with real good names like stryker, the barkman,louscious,joaguin. No we get names like barky,lucky,ralph,scooter good god humans use your imagination i mean just look at my name, Sir Duke ,what the hell were they thinking, or smoking for that matter, i guess it could have been worse they could have called me poochie. By the way my dog only name is Star wanderer, that's right we have names that only other dogs know and our woofing as you hear it is really an advanced form of communication. If one of those two humans don't get home soon though i may have to leave a little present in the living room for them. Oh i hear the key in the door so i had better put this cigarette out finish this beer and get ready to drag him out into this cold and rain, and do you know what i am going to do? After dumping and peeing i am going to pretend to hurt my paw and make him carry me home, yuk yuk. O.K. i am going so i will talk to you all again when i have more storys to tell. Chow all.

Why i do this

To my Dad a good joke or story was as important to life as food or drink. He loved to tell story’s and to have a good time, and he had many a good time. Many people say i have a warped sense of humor and can pull a story out of anything, but in comparison to my old man i am just a novice. I saw him laugh at a John Wayne movie, i saw him bust a gut watching Harvey Korman and Tim Conway perform a routine on the Carol Burnett show. He could repeat jokes from the likes of Lenny Bruce to Richard Pryor and to him humor had no boundaries.
And the story’s and thoughts he would come out with were classics, but to me they were as new as the rain or snow that fell outside. Sure they were probably stolen from someone else or from a book he had read but the way he told them made them his. I have learned many one liners, jokes, groaners and weird thoughts on life from my Dad and while they are not always funny to everyone, they are at least interesting and would leave his party guests snickering under their breath. But is that not what life is about? Keeping your friends and acquaintances laughing and thinking all at the same time? Even as he was dying he kept a sense of humor, he pulled me over to his side and indicated that he needed to say something to me and as i got closer to his mouth he whispered” get off my air hose you arsehole”. I could only laugh and i am sure my family thought i was nuts, but i know that everytime i write a story or post a stream of weird thoughts he is laughing and telling anybody that is near him up above ” I taught him everything he knows, and he still doesn’t know anything”

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My Jukebox

Rush - Fly By Night

[via FoxyTunes / Rush]

Some people consider Rush to be Canada's greatest Rock band.

Old Hits for new Times

Some of the artists of the 60's are
revising their hits with new lyrics to accommodate aging
baby boomers.

 

They include:

Bobby
Darin ---
Splish, Splash,
I Was Havin' a Flash.

Herman's
Hermits ---
Mrs. Brown,
You've Got a Lovely Walker .

Ringo
Starr ---
I Get By With a
Little Help From Depends.


The Bee
Gees -- -
How Can You
Mend a Broken Hip.

Roberta
Flack---
The First Time
Ever I Forgot Your Face.

Johnny
Nash ---
I Can't
See Clearly Now.

Paul
Simon---
Fifty Ways to
Lose Your Liver.

The
Commodores ---
Once, Twice,
Three
Times to the Bathroom.

Marvin
Gaye ---
Heard It
Through the Grape Nuts.

Procol
Harem---
A Whiter Shade
of Hair.

Leo
Sayer ---
You Make Me
Feel Like Napping.

The
Temptations ---
Papa's Got a
Kidney Stone.

Abba---

Denture
Queen.

Tony
Orlando ---
Knock 3 Times
On The Ceiling If You Hear Me Fall.
 

Helen
Reddy --- I Am
Woman, Hear Me Snore.

 

Leslie Gore---
It's My Procedure, and I'll Cry If I Want To.

 

And Last but NOT least:

Willie
Nelson --- On the Commode
Again
.

Interesting stuff i think.

---

When Downtown was the place

This is from the glory years of the Hespeler Downtown. Many different types of stores, from a bookstore to coffee shops to a 5 and dime store, clothing stores. We had it all, where did it go. I guess the advent of the malls did destroy the downtowns.

Give me back my Klacker

In the spring of 1968 i fell in love. Not with a girl or a dog but with a toy. The KLACKER to be precise. What is a klacker you ask, well let me tell you, it was a magnificent piece of weaponry, 2 acrylic balls attached to a sturdy workman like piece of string that when banged together could drive a parent crazy, and i had to just have one. A light blue transparent one at that.
Some scrawny kid like me could own one of these, jump over a 6 foot high fence and smoke the local bully. Yeah, that was going to be me. Jack, the neighborhood tough guy wouldn’t get the best of me anymore. That psychopathic grin would get wiped off his face really quick and than i would dance over his fallen body like David over Goliath, oh yeah, that 11 year old 130 lb walking jelly bowl was going down. Or so i thought. As i gathered my nerve and as my friends waited timidly around the corner i approached the lug and started to stare him down, he didn’t flinch, i approached a little bit more slinging my klackers like like a gunslinger in the old west and then it happened, he pulled a giant slingshot out of his overalls and started to fire spitballs at me. One by one they stung me and drove me back to cover behind the closest garbage pail and there i waited for the cavalry to arrive but realized that the Cavalry had run for cover as well and vanished into the school and the safety of the Nuns leaving me alone to face Jack one on one. It seemed like i was there for over an hour[probably just about a minute] when i got my courage up, got the klackers swinging good and rose,ready to face my final moments, i came flying out from behind that garbage can and ran smack into the body of Sister Aloysius, all 6 feet and 150 lbs of her. I went down like a rock ,my klackers flying out of my hands and landing at her feet, her evil grin even made the bully Jack cringe, and she had me at her mercy, and Jack was standing behind her grinning that psychopathic grin of his. I was doomed.
I wound up with a detention and had my Klackers taken away for 3 days, a punishment that seemed worse than death, and while i eventually got over that moment, the tension between Jack and i never cleared up but we stayed away from each other from then on. For me A moral victory and 3 day’s later i got my klackers back. All was well again.
And i wonder, did anybody ever get Jack? Did they get away or did Jack get revenge? And i wonder where Jack went? Is he living now on a chain gang in Alabama somewhere breaking rocks with his fists and dancing with a good ole boy named Bubba? One can only dream.

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