My Human gives me the blues

First let me introduce myself, my name is Sir Duke and i am a dog, a Shed Tzu to be exact and while i am waiting for one of my humans to come home from work i thought i would tell you a story. Now you may be wondering how i am writing this, well we dog's are not as stupid as some people think, i mean after all you humans do feed us and walk us when we need it and what is it with that baby talk,brrr that is scary. I am sitting here just waiting, i have rearranged the furniture twice and put it back, just slightly off so the humans will think they are seeing things. When i go for a walk it is a strange experience every time ,i mean there is always something new to see and smell. oh and pee on. I enjoy making the male human wait for me while i find the right place for a dump, and i always make sure it is far enough away from him so he has to walk to stoop and scoop. Chasing the ducks and geese on the water is fun, but i will let you in on a secret.they know i am coming and we play this game to just amuse you humans. And when another dog shows up we get to smell each other, at least that is what you think we are doing, in reality we are getting messages from the mothership,ahh got cha, no really we do like to smell each others butts, believe you me they are better smelling than my male humans gas in the morning after he has been out drinking the night before, ugggh. And do you wonder what we are doing digging holes? They are, no i think that is one secret i had better not tell. And of course the jumping up and down and seemingly happy to see you routine, well that is usually a distraction so the other dog's that are partying with us have a chance to slip out the window with out being seen. Now about naming us, how bad or hard is it to come up with real good names like stryker, the barkman,louscious,joaguin. No we get names like barky,lucky,ralph,scooter good god humans use your imagination i mean just look at my name, Sir Duke ,what the hell were they thinking, or smoking for that matter, i guess it could have been worse they could have called me poochie. By the way my dog only name is Star wanderer, that's right we have names that only other dogs know and our woofing as you hear it is really an advanced form of communication. If one of those two humans don't get home soon though i may have to leave a little present in the living room for them. Oh i hear the key in the door so i had better put this cigarette out finish this beer and get ready to drag him out into this cold and rain, and do you know what i am going to do? After dumping and peeing i am going to pretend to hurt my paw and make him carry me home, yuk yuk. O.K. i am going so i will talk to you all again when i have more storys to tell. Chow all.