The Hespeler way to Shovel your Driveway

With another snowfall upon us, and more shoveling required i feel it is my
civic duty to explain the Hespeler way of snow-shoveling. This has been
handed down to me from my father who got it from his father who got
it..well you get the point. Now in this system of snow shoveling you
need some very important ingredients, so here they are.

Winter Boots..I use Sorel Caribou as they are lightweight and keep my feet warm.

Gloves..I use Isotoner Ultra Dry Hybrid Gloves. Again they are lightweight and they keep a nice fresh smell to them.

Headwear…North end make some very nice toques for Canadian Winters.

Coat….I wear a Far West Goretex coat in a bright red colour, which comes in handy if you happen to fall in a snowbank.

Beer[6 bottles]..This one is very important, and so i recommend a good
sturdy Canadian Brew, i myself use Creemore Springs. Good flavour and
robust body.[ endorsement cheques can be sent to me care of the
Cambridge Voice]

Okay now that you have assembled all the necessary ingredients, here is what you do.

Get your gear on and make sure everything is comfy. Take your 6 Beers
and put them strategically around your driveway. 2 on both sides of the
road area of your driveway,2 on both sides of the driveway, halfway up
and 2 more at the beginning of your driveway close to your door. You
then survey your area, break the driveway down into squares that will
lead you to each beer in orderly fashion. You can now begin shoveling
in each square, rewarding yourself with a beer each time a square is
finished. And by the time you get to the last beer, your driveway is
done and you feel pride in a good job well done, as well as having nice
little buzz going which will help you if you plan to sit down and watch
the Toronto Maple leafs on TV after finishing the driveway. Your
Welcome. Of course the other way to do it is to sit in the house
drinking the 6 beers while your Son-in-law brings his snowblower over
and does your driveway.[thanks Alan..burb]

And that is the Hespeler way of shoveling your driveway.

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Swinging 60 chicks

Where are the swinging sexy babes of my youth? Well they are a lot older now but i still remember them like it was yesterday. Here are the ten woman that made me go ohhh! All from that swinging time known as the 60's.

10. Ann Margaret--oozed sexuality
9. Marilyn Monroe--the ultimate pin up girl.
8. Raquel welch--no one looked as good as her in a bathing suit
7. Bridgett Bardot--Even Elton John thought she was sexy.
6. Goldie Hawn--she could have socked it too me anytime
5. Ursala Andress--or as we called her Ursala undressed
4. Aretha Franklin--She made bigger woman and Gospel music sexy
3. Barbara Eden--I rubbed many a bottle trying to find one as sexy as her.
2. Nancy Sinatra--Her boots could of walked all over me

1. Elizabeth Montgomery---Who didn't want to become bewitched by her?


Lindsay Lohan,Paris Hilton and the rest of you posers can eat your heart out. These were real woman!!!!!

Hockey Hero's

"Red" Laurance, a hespeler hockey Hero. Many more to come

Another story from the Dodge Coronet

As I said in a previous post, I owned a 1969 Dodge Coronet and had many good experience in it and this is one of the tales.

It was May of 1976 and the Rock Band KISS were coming to Toronto and as fans my friends and i had to go, and go we did. The show was fantastic and the availability of Alcohol and Marijuana made it even better, but the true story was the ride home. We took the Coronet because it was the biggest car in the group and since 5 of us were going it was a no brainer to take it. The problem started on the way home from Maple Leaf Gardens when the bowels started to kick in and the peeing sessions began. After 4 or 5 stops we decided to try to make it home without another stop to make last call at a bar in town so we began to hold it and pray. It did no good. As we hit the Petro station just outside of town all hell was going to break loose as all 5 of us had to pee and pee badly, so into the station we flew and the sight would make us laugh for many a year later.

As the car entered the exit to the station we were doing a little over the speed limit and we were all holding everything in but we could not wait until the car completely stopped so i slapped on the brakes, went into a skid, stopped the car at a weird angle and 5 guys fell out of the 2 doors and proceeded to Begin dispensing our fluids. The worst part we were right beside 2 OPP cruisers and who were staring at us in total disbelieve. After we were finished we got back into the car and slowly drove off with the Police just staring at what they had just seen.

Maybe you had to be there, but it was quite a scene and one that we will never forget.

My Juke Box

Don't Go/Hothouse Flowers

[via FoxyTunes / Hothouse Flowers]

The first of many videos to come. My favourite songs from every generation. Enjoy. This is the Hothouse flowers and Don't Go.

Signs i am getting older[part 1]

Now this is a definite sign that i am getting older. When i was younger Saturday night meant drinking and carousing. Now i may still once in a while do that but staying at home and making cookies with my granddaughter and drinking coffee is what i seem to do more.

Another Winters Day

and we still have about 2 more months of this crap!

Guelph Ave 1900

This is a now famous picture looking up Guelph Ave towards the fisher Mills area, it was taken around 1900. Notice the old Queens hotel that we now call Ernies still looks the same.

More crap that bugs me

People that i run into at a movie or event and ask me "what are you doing here" simple idiot, i am either stalking you or doing my taxes, what the hell do you think.

New and Improved on packaging...what you were giving us crap before that, trust me i have tried the new and improved Special k and it sucks, nothing improved about that.

You can't have your cake and eat it too..want to bet? If i buy a cake i am damn well going to eat it.

Able -bodied people on welfare---put them to work and they can be just as incompetent as the rest of us, and they will feel better about it.

Donald Trump---I think he is Satan.

Can i ask you a Question?---you have started, you might as well finish

Anyone else have problems getting the wrappers off CD cases?-drives me nuts

People that point at their arms when asking for the time.

The sound of people eating

Cornball News Anchor names-Wolf Blitzer,Stone Phillips Willow Bay---please where is Harvey Kirk when you need him

Guys over 40 with ponytails, really. But not that guy up in the right hand corner.

What the Hell does that mean[chapter 1]

Just some sayings that bug me.

A bird in the hand is worth two in the bush......Makes no sense two birds are better than one. Plus the one in my hand would probably crap in it.

A bitter pill....Anytime I am sick a pill is not bitter to me

A chip off the old block.....A chip off of anything and my wife makes me throw it out.

A diamond in the rough....I don't care where you find a diamond it's all worth the same.

A feather in his cap....o.k., if any guy in my neighborhood growing up put a feather in his cap we would have beat him up.

The hair of the dog...This one has never made sense to me. Iknow what it means but really, this and A dogs breakfast, totally stupid.

A happy camper...Any time I can get camping is a happy time, I don't know any unhappy campers.

A Mexican standoff....Is it different than a Swedish standoff, and what do they call it in Mexico? A Washington standoff?

Ain't just whistling Dixie.....Don't get it and don't care about this one

Apple of my eye....I don't like apples that much and apples go bad real quick after you peel them

Bump in the night....Bump in the day is just as bad I think...


That is all for now, there are plenty more and when I have time I will post some that really bug me.

New Years Ramblings

Bees have 3 eye lids
"BOB" was the first hurricane named after a male in 1979
I owe a lot to my parents--especially my mom and dad

My mind works like lightning- one brilliant flash and then it's gone
There are 2 types of pedestrians..the quick and the dead
Disco still sucks

I think feminists are cute
Impotence is natures way of saying no hard feelings
If
every person in the world would help just one other person, what a
beautiful world this would be..especially if that person they helped
was me!

The thing i like best about fantasy is that i can afford it
Matspur--the one wheel on a shopping cart that goes opposite the other 3
In Belgium there is a museum dedicated to just Strawberry's

Don't mess with the dead, boy do they have weird powers
"If i can't dance i don't want to be part of your revolution"--Emma Goldberg
Good Grief--An oxymoron

Man who run behind car get exhausted
Sharks cannot swim backwards, but goldfish can
"Love may be the answer but sex brings up some pretty good questions"--Woody Allen


And remember Don't hit your kids..no really they have guns now!!!