Wild oats and Shredded Wheat

Never raise your hands to your kids:It leaves your groin unprotected
The inventor of Vaseline ate a spoonful of the stuff every morning.
"I really didn't say everything i said"---Yogi Berra

"Ive had a perfectly good evening, but this wasn't it"--Groucho Marx
Expressholes=People who try to sneak more than the eight items or less into the express lane
I believe in luck, how else do you explain the success of those i don't like

Mike Tyson's guide to dating etiquette--a book that will never be written
My wild oats have turned to shredded wheat
I have a photographic memory,unfortunately i am out of film

The invisible man married the invisible woman, their kids ain't much to look at either
Why don't more people wear capes?
4 billion years of evolution and i still can't stop drooling on myself.

"I think woman should be armed but not allowed to vote"--Ann Coulter 2001
A bad web address, PEN ISLAND---http://www.penisland.net
"Keep using my name in vain and I'll make rush hour even longer"---GOD

I don't trust my stockbroker, he is married to a travel agent
There is nothing like the love of a good woman, but the love of a bad woman is not too shabby either.
My friends say i live in my own little world, but that's okay, everyone likes me there


And in parting remember--if the shoe fits, it's probably expensive