My Jukebox

Rush - Fly By Night

[via FoxyTunes / Rush]

Some people consider Rush to be Canada's greatest Rock band.

Old Hits for new Times

Some of the artists of the 60's are
revising their hits with new lyrics to accommodate aging
baby boomers.

 

They include:

Bobby
Darin ---
Splish, Splash,
I Was Havin' a Flash.

Herman's
Hermits ---
Mrs. Brown,
You've Got a Lovely Walker .

Ringo
Starr ---
I Get By With a
Little Help From Depends.


The Bee
Gees -- -
How Can You
Mend a Broken Hip.

Roberta
Flack---
The First Time
Ever I Forgot Your Face.

Johnny
Nash ---
I Can't
See Clearly Now.

Paul
Simon---
Fifty Ways to
Lose Your Liver.

The
Commodores ---
Once, Twice,
Three
Times to the Bathroom.

Marvin
Gaye ---
Heard It
Through the Grape Nuts.

Procol
Harem---
A Whiter Shade
of Hair.

Leo
Sayer ---
You Make Me
Feel Like Napping.

The
Temptations ---
Papa's Got a
Kidney Stone.

Abba---

Denture
Queen.

Tony
Orlando ---
Knock 3 Times
On The Ceiling If You Hear Me Fall.
 

Helen
Reddy --- I Am
Woman, Hear Me Snore.

 

Leslie Gore---
It's My Procedure, and I'll Cry If I Want To.

 

And Last but NOT least:

Willie
Nelson --- On the Commode
Again
.

Interesting stuff i think.

---

When Downtown was the place

This is from the glory years of the Hespeler Downtown. Many different types of stores, from a bookstore to coffee shops to a 5 and dime store, clothing stores. We had it all, where did it go. I guess the advent of the malls did destroy the downtowns.

Give me back my Klacker

In the spring of 1968 i fell in love. Not with a girl or a dog but with a toy. The KLACKER to be precise. What is a klacker you ask, well let me tell you, it was a magnificent piece of weaponry, 2 acrylic balls attached to a sturdy workman like piece of string that when banged together could drive a parent crazy, and i had to just have one. A light blue transparent one at that.
Some scrawny kid like me could own one of these, jump over a 6 foot high fence and smoke the local bully. Yeah, that was going to be me. Jack, the neighborhood tough guy wouldn’t get the best of me anymore. That psychopathic grin would get wiped off his face really quick and than i would dance over his fallen body like David over Goliath, oh yeah, that 11 year old 130 lb walking jelly bowl was going down. Or so i thought. As i gathered my nerve and as my friends waited timidly around the corner i approached the lug and started to stare him down, he didn’t flinch, i approached a little bit more slinging my klackers like like a gunslinger in the old west and then it happened, he pulled a giant slingshot out of his overalls and started to fire spitballs at me. One by one they stung me and drove me back to cover behind the closest garbage pail and there i waited for the cavalry to arrive but realized that the Cavalry had run for cover as well and vanished into the school and the safety of the Nuns leaving me alone to face Jack one on one. It seemed like i was there for over an hour[probably just about a minute] when i got my courage up, got the klackers swinging good and rose,ready to face my final moments, i came flying out from behind that garbage can and ran smack into the body of Sister Aloysius, all 6 feet and 150 lbs of her. I went down like a rock ,my klackers flying out of my hands and landing at her feet, her evil grin even made the bully Jack cringe, and she had me at her mercy, and Jack was standing behind her grinning that psychopathic grin of his. I was doomed.
I wound up with a detention and had my Klackers taken away for 3 days, a punishment that seemed worse than death, and while i eventually got over that moment, the tension between Jack and i never cleared up but we stayed away from each other from then on. For me A moral victory and 3 day’s later i got my klackers back. All was well again.
And i wonder, did anybody ever get Jack? Did they get away or did Jack get revenge? And i wonder where Jack went? Is he living now on a chain gang in Alabama somewhere breaking rocks with his fists and dancing with a good ole boy named Bubba? One can only dream.

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Playfair Bowl

Man i miss having a bowling alley in town. I remember Wednesday nights my dad would go bowling and on Thursday morning there was always a chocolate bar on the table for us kids.

The forgotten Music. First of many

David Ackles - Road to Cairo

[via FoxyTunes / David Ackles]

This is from one of the great American Singer/songwriters of the late 60's early 70's. David Ackles is unknown today but those who do know of his music he is still revered. His early 70's album American Gothic is considered a classic and while it may be hard to find it is well worth the search. David Ackles died in 1999.

The Great Hespeler Moped Crash of 1973

While out walking the dog the other day i watched a kid wipe out on his dirt bike and that reminded me of an incident from my past. It was July of 1973 when the Great Hespeler Moped crash occurred. I was 15 going on 16 and as such did not have a drivers license, so my parents gave me the next best thing, they bought me a Moped for my upcoming birthday. Not that they really had a choice as 5 of my friends already had one or were getting one for the summer ahead,so on a mid June day they presented me with a fire engine red Moped, and that was the beginning of the summer of driving. I went everywhere on that thing. to Kitchener,Guelph and points in between. Hell even some of the girls loved them and that made us even more popular[not a bad side effect, Eh!]. But as in anything that Teenagers set their minds to we got more adventurous on the bikes and soon we were able to do wheelie’s like the big boy’s, we even named ourselves “Hespeler’s Rejects”, not a good name i admit but hey, we were Teenagers after all. So all of June and July we terrorized the streets of Hespeler, and even the local constabulary, “Flashlight Freddie” could not stop us, of course i don’t think he really tried that hard. And then July 26th came into play.
It was one of those warm summer rain kind of day’s, not hard enough to stop your fun but still damp enough for the average person to be careful while out on the road. And there was the problem, thought did not enter the equation. So off the 6 of us went that day driving down the hills and valleys of Hespeler without a care in the world and then Edward street appeared on the horizon and the challenge was made. I don’t know who made the call but it was there, drive as fast as we can down one of the steepest streets in town toward the valley and may the best man win. Everything was going good, i sat in a close third when suddenly just before the bottom of the hill someone went down and the rest of us followed. By the time we finished tumbling and sliding there were 6 mopeds and 6 bodies lying on Edward street, scuffed, bruised and bloody but we all managed to pull ourselves together, get our Mopeds off the street and survey the damage. There were no broken bones or even seriously damaged mopeds, somehow we had all survived the crash. As we sat at the side of the road we all just suddenly started laughing and realized what a funny sight we must of made, six bodies and bikes rolling and sliding down Edward Street. Needless to say that was the end of day for all of us as we slinked off to lick our wounds and get ready for another day. As for the rest of the summer, well let’s just say we rode a little more carefully…Ah who am i kidding, we did not learn our lesson and continued to drive them as recklessly as ever.
As for the mopeds, well they lasted one more year as many of us got our drivers licenses and moved on to bigger and better things, but probably still drove a little crazy. And that my friends is the story of the Great Hespeler Moped Crash of 1973….Drive safe everyone!

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Spring Walk

On a beautiful spring-like day, what else do you do but walk and enjoy the countryside that exists just outside of this town.

Springs Coming

Alright so it is already here, but now the weather is getting better and it feels like spring. Anyway here are some more mindless sputtering s from Cooper street.

Sometimes i wonder, does Angela Jolie wonder what i am wearing?
Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will make me go in a corner and cry!
People say i am psycho like it's a bad thing!

A lot has been said of politicians, some of it complimentary but most of it accurate.
What's it mean being a man:Making mistakes and not caring!
If at first you don't succeed have a scapegoat handy!

I may have never left my heart in San Fransisco, but i did leave some toe nail clippings at the Toronto bus depot.
"I am not an egomaniac, but i am the worlds best dancer"---Micheal Flatly
2 out of 3 North Americans men will develop hemorrhoids.

TEIAM, there problem solved!
9 out of 10 guy's prefer woman with big breasts, the 10th guy prefers the other 9 men
I wonder if General Custer wore shirts by the Arrow Company?

I can't remember the last time i did any serious running, but i have been jogging my memory.
Without evil, there could be no good, so it must be good to be evil sometimes
There are no stupid answers, just stupid people.

Enjoy the weather and i will talk to ya later!

A lovely Day for a Parade

This is a picture from around 1967, it is from the Hespeler textile Festival Parade that year. That is my younger Sister and myself on the Fire department float. My Father was on the department at the time. Those were good day's in the Village.

Questions of a Thousand Years

Just some questions that are out there.

If someone owns a piece of land do they own it to the center of the Earth?
If you have a cold hot pocket, is it just a pocket?
If humans evolved from monkeys why are they still here?
Do penguins have knees?
Why do we say the alarm clock went off when it really comes on?
Why do we put our two cents in when it is only a penny for our thoughts?
Why do people return to the refrigerator with hopes that something new has materialised?
Why does the Easter Bunny carry eggs?Rabbits don't lay eggs!
Why when people ask what are the 3 things you would bring with you on a desert island, nobody says a Boat?
Is there ever a day that mattresses are not on sale?
And Finally!
Have you ever met a gruntled employee?

My goldfish hates Me!

If anyone disagrees with anything i say, i am prepared to not only retract it, but also to deny it under oath.
The dot above the i in the letter i is called a tittle
If i had a nickel for every paycheck I've blown on booze and wild woman, i could probably spend a whole weekend doing nothing but...well, you know where this is headed.

Bugs outnumber humans 200 million to one
Canada borders on three oceans, Pacific,Atlantic and Arctic
Art is making something out of nothing and selling it....Frank Zappa

Whenever i feel blue, i just start breathing again
People will believe anything if you whisper it.
If we are not supposed to eat animals how come they are made out of meat.

Why must all good things end while mediocre things last forever
I am so happy today,i found my friends, they are in my head...Kurt Cobain
The word Gullible is not in the English dictionary

In a family of psychotics, it is a relief to be the insomniac
The all time most nominated Grammy artist is Quincy Jones with 77
Laugh alone and the world thinks you're an idiot

What doesn't kill me doesn't make me stronger, it just pisses me off more.
While staring at my goldfish and making fun of him stuck in a little bowl, i imagined him making fun of me in this weird world, so i flushed him down the toilet, that will teach him.
The Oreo is the worlds best selling cookie.



And in closing, remember there is always a light at the end of the tunnel, of course sometimes it is attached to a Freight train.

Hespeler Rednecks?

Proof that Rednecks can be found everywhere.
My Brother,myself and my two sisters. From 1965. Wonder what the rest of Cooper Street thought?

The Original Wedding Crasher

Recently my wife made me watch a wretched little movie called "The Wedding Crashers" and it got me to thinking about an old Friend of mine from Hespeler who in my mind was the original "Wedding Crasher". Let me tell you the story.
Paul was an original, definitely playing in a different world with a different set of rules. He was wild, funny and completely off his rocker but that is why we all loved the guy. But the one thing he kept telling us was how he could get into any event like Weddings, family reunions etc. We never believed him, but hey if he told the story while we were sitting around having a few beers and what nots, that was good enough for us. But one day we got the chance to see him in action, and what a smoothie he was.
It was late summer[1977 I believe] and a bunch of us were at our local lake having a swim and enjoying ourselves, when low and behold we came across a family obviously in the midst of a get together and that is when Paul went to work. He walked around the outside of the get together so people would notice him and he paid attention to what was being said about who was there and who was not there and then he found out what he needed and he struck.
Some of the family did not show up including a Aunt and her family that many in the group had never seen or had not seen for years and Paul was in like Flint. He spent the next 2 hrs eating and drinking with this group who had no idea he was not who he said he was, he played a little volleyball and lawn darts while we all watched from a safe distance, laughing and just waiting for him to get caught, It never happened. Paul finally left the party and came over to join us and tell us how he did it. It seems that the Aunt that did not show up had re-married and had a son from her second husband that no one knew and Paul just assumed his identity. And it worked perfectly, no one suspected a thing he said and the beer and food were great and he even got a phone number from one of the cousins[whether he called her or not we don't know], and as we left the beach that night we just marvelled at the gut's he had and we finally knew his story's were true.
As for Paul unfortunately he passed away in September of 1979. But i would like to think that somehow he snuck into heaven and God still has not caught him!

Where is my Igloo?

Talking to an American the other night made me realise that we are still misunderstood on the world scene. This gentleman was intelligent but had no real knowledge of Canada. So in searching the web, here are 10 myths about Canada that are still out there.

10.All our Policeman are Mounties......that is what this guy thought.

9.Our national sport is hockey...All right so a lot of Canadians think this too, It is actually Lacrosse.

8.Canadians do not own guns...Actually, per capita we have as many guns, if not more than the United States, we just do not use them as much.

7.We all speak French...well I don't know about you, but, Merci is about all I know.

6.All Canadians say EH and Aboot...And all southerners say y'all[that ended that topic]

5.Canada has no film Industry....The list of Canadian Movies is very impressive[I will do a separate story on that]

4.We don't get the same entertainment options as Americans....every movie and television show is released in Canada at the same time as America, and all the music groups tour here at the same time .

3.There is snow almost all year long.....It may seem that to us.It still amazes me that this one is still out there.

2.Canada has Polar Bears everywhere...This guy wanted to know where the viewing site was.

1.WE LIVE IN IGLOOS.....Really! I wonder if mine has central heating.

The Church's

Overlooking the Speed River and Spring Street. The three churches that are at the corner of Queen Street and Cooper Street.

More from the juke box

Ian Dury and the Blockheads - Sex & Drugs & Rock & Roll

[via FoxyTunes / Ian Dury]

One of my favorite punk/pop stars of the 70's. His whole catalog is worth a listen.

Between Woodstock and Reagan{Here among the Cats}

While sitting in a little local bar last night with a few friends listening to a real crappy karaoke version of "Smoke on the Water" we began to reminisce about the bars and bands that used to play in the region. While the bars are now gone, to be replaced by little corner pubs and assorted other things the music is still there. Today try to find a top notch rock band in their prime or an incredible top flight show band that even comes close to the area, it is not going to happen.
The Matador Tavern,Leisure Lodge,Coronet,Highlands/Tudor Tavern,Waterloo Motor Inn and if you were in the Muskokas the Kee to Bala[the only one still going]. The bands that traveled through here are legendary now,some still touring and others relegated to the back pages of our minds.
Longneck quartz bottles at the Tudor, fancy show bands at the Matador, the funniest waiter I have ever encountered at the Leisure Lodge,trying to find our way home in a drunken stupor from the Coronet and crawling out of Lake Muskoka to see a live Saturday night show at the Kee.
Myles and Lenny
Zon
Prism--a unknown band called the cars opened for them
A foot in cold water
Moxy
Major Hooples Boarding House
McLean and McLean
Jack the Bear
Jason--Steve Smith introduced his "Red Green " character in this show band
Triumph--Rik Emmett once threatened to beat me up at the Tudor
Max Webster
Rush
Fludd
April Wine
The madcats
Doucette--he may have had only one song, but what a song
Mashmakan
Copper Penny
Goddo.............These were just some of the acts that played these bars. Kind of beats a drunk woman singing a Janis Joplin tune now don't it. Well I think Iwill go put on a Max Webster album and chill. Till next time,RAP IS CRAP

Hespeler Hockey Hero's[Pt. 2}

Paul Woods of the Detroit Redwings.

Paybacks a bitch or how a Hespeler Dad gets his revenge!

The old saying is of course Payback is a bitch and in this story it is dead on, so let me tell you.
Like all teenagers i managed to steal some beer and liquor off my dad on weekends, i mean who didn't. The thing was he never really said a word about and i was able to do it for a number of years and never thought of the consequences until years later. I had recently separated from my wife and had moved back to my Parents home to re-group and try to start all over and my father got his revenge. One Saturday i had picked up a 24 of Heineken and put it in my basement refrigerator and went out to do some things and about 3 hours later returned home and went to grab a beer, well guess what? Yep, most were gone, now i was used to my Dad grabbing one or two but 20? It seems a couple of his buddies had come over and my Dad had only 2 of his beer left so he felt now was the time to raid my fridge and raid it they did, leaving me with 4 and a trip to the beer store to replenish my stock[this was before Sunday beer store hours] for the weekend. When i returned I looked at my Dad and the grin on his face said it all...This is how a Hespeler Dad get's his revenge!

Scout house repairs

Record staff

CAMBRIDGE

The
Hespeler Scout House meeting hall is in line for $5,000 in repairs this
year, even as city staff plan to replace it. The money almost doubles
the annual city budget to run the small meeting hall in Forbes Park,
which city staff hope to replace with a bigger community centre in
north Hespeler in 2015. The city has set aside $2.2 million in the
capital budget that year for the project. A location hasn't been chosen.

Nice to see that old building being fixed up but even nicer when the do build a new center. That is definitely something we need in Hespeler

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The Sunny Side Of life

Life is a struggle. The economy sucks,every day you go to work,put up with crap,fight traffic to get home,find out there is something that needs to be fixed at home,check your hydro bill,your cable bill,your Gas bill,your car insurance bill, your tax bill and then you realise you are out of beer. To hell with it you say. Well relax and let's look at the sunny side of life, the little things that make the world a better place.
Watching your kids grow up and taking their first steps, saying their first words. Walking with your Wife and the dog and relaxing by the waterfalls that we have in Cambridge. Sitting in the backyard, the BBQ cooking the steaks, a cold beer in your hands and good friends and family with you. Being able to communicate with your family anytime you feel like it. Watching the snow fall or viewing a thunder and lightning storm. Smelling the warm spring rain. Watching a hockey game. Coming home and knowing your Wife understands your moods. Smelling the laundry when it first comes out of the dryer. Sitting in the stands at a ballgame soaking up the sun. going thru old pictures and remembering the good old day's. Running into a long lost friend and releiazing he has aged more than you. Finnaly finishing painting the room you have always left un-painted. Watching an old Bogart movie. Having your Grandkids giving you a hug for no other reason than you are you. Being able to see your grand-children grow up. Knowing that your kids are going to be allright. Finding a $10 bill in last summers shorts. Fitting into last summers shorts. Knowing that canada is still the worlds best place to live. Watching wildlife in it's natural habitat. Seeing the sunrise and watching a sunset that knocks your socks off. Knowing that you have put in a good day's work and lived your life the best you can.
See! It is not all bad, there are many good things about your world so enjoy them ll and feel free to add your own. AWEN my friends AWEN

Wild oats and Shredded Wheat

Never raise your hands to your kids:It leaves your groin unprotected
The inventor of Vaseline ate a spoonful of the stuff every morning.
"I really didn't say everything i said"---Yogi Berra

"Ive had a perfectly good evening, but this wasn't it"--Groucho Marx
Expressholes=People who try to sneak more than the eight items or less into the express lane
I believe in luck, how else do you explain the success of those i don't like

Mike Tyson's guide to dating etiquette--a book that will never be written
My wild oats have turned to shredded wheat
I have a photographic memory,unfortunately i am out of film

The invisible man married the invisible woman, their kids ain't much to look at either
Why don't more people wear capes?
4 billion years of evolution and i still can't stop drooling on myself.

"I think woman should be armed but not allowed to vote"--Ann Coulter 2001
A bad web address, PEN ISLAND---http://www.penisland.net
"Keep using my name in vain and I'll make rush hour even longer"---GOD

I don't trust my stockbroker, he is married to a travel agent
There is nothing like the love of a good woman, but the love of a bad woman is not too shabby either.
My friends say i live in my own little world, but that's okay, everyone likes me there


And in parting remember--if the shoe fits, it's probably expensive

What became of?

The Milkman

Trading stamps

Gee!Your hair smells terrific shampoo

Anacin

Geritol

White Rain hairspray

Accent meat tenderizer

Quisp cereal

Frankenberry cereal

Dyna Mints

Licorice records

ronco record cleaning machine

Nestle's Treasures chocolate bar

Rum and Butter Chocolate bars

Hai Karate cologne

Hi C Fruit juice

And family sitting around for warm drinks and cake!

February 3rd 1959

Don mclean - American pie (live)

[via FoxyTunes / Don McLean]

The Day the music died. 50 years ago the plane carrying Ritchie Valens,The Big Bopper[J.P. Richardson] and Buddy Holly went down near Clear lake Iowa.

The Hespeler way to Shovel your Driveway

With another snowfall upon us, and more shoveling required i feel it is my
civic duty to explain the Hespeler way of snow-shoveling. This has been
handed down to me from my father who got it from his father who got
it..well you get the point. Now in this system of snow shoveling you
need some very important ingredients, so here they are.

Winter Boots..I use Sorel Caribou as they are lightweight and keep my feet warm.

Gloves..I use Isotoner Ultra Dry Hybrid Gloves. Again they are lightweight and they keep a nice fresh smell to them.

Headwear…North end make some very nice toques for Canadian Winters.

Coat….I wear a Far West Goretex coat in a bright red colour, which comes in handy if you happen to fall in a snowbank.

Beer[6 bottles]..This one is very important, and so i recommend a good
sturdy Canadian Brew, i myself use Creemore Springs. Good flavour and
robust body.[ endorsement cheques can be sent to me care of the
Cambridge Voice]

Okay now that you have assembled all the necessary ingredients, here is what you do.

Get your gear on and make sure everything is comfy. Take your 6 Beers
and put them strategically around your driveway. 2 on both sides of the
road area of your driveway,2 on both sides of the driveway, halfway up
and 2 more at the beginning of your driveway close to your door. You
then survey your area, break the driveway down into squares that will
lead you to each beer in orderly fashion. You can now begin shoveling
in each square, rewarding yourself with a beer each time a square is
finished. And by the time you get to the last beer, your driveway is
done and you feel pride in a good job well done, as well as having nice
little buzz going which will help you if you plan to sit down and watch
the Toronto Maple leafs on TV after finishing the driveway. Your
Welcome. Of course the other way to do it is to sit in the house
drinking the 6 beers while your Son-in-law brings his snowblower over
and does your driveway.[thanks Alan..burb]

And that is the Hespeler way of shoveling your driveway.

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Swinging 60 chicks

Where are the swinging sexy babes of my youth? Well they are a lot older now but i still remember them like it was yesterday. Here are the ten woman that made me go ohhh! All from that swinging time known as the 60's.

10. Ann Margaret--oozed sexuality
9. Marilyn Monroe--the ultimate pin up girl.
8. Raquel welch--no one looked as good as her in a bathing suit
7. Bridgett Bardot--Even Elton John thought she was sexy.
6. Goldie Hawn--she could have socked it too me anytime
5. Ursala Andress--or as we called her Ursala undressed
4. Aretha Franklin--She made bigger woman and Gospel music sexy
3. Barbara Eden--I rubbed many a bottle trying to find one as sexy as her.
2. Nancy Sinatra--Her boots could of walked all over me

1. Elizabeth Montgomery---Who didn't want to become bewitched by her?


Lindsay Lohan,Paris Hilton and the rest of you posers can eat your heart out. These were real woman!!!!!

Hockey Hero's

"Red" Laurance, a hespeler hockey Hero. Many more to come

Another story from the Dodge Coronet

As I said in a previous post, I owned a 1969 Dodge Coronet and had many good experience in it and this is one of the tales.

It was May of 1976 and the Rock Band KISS were coming to Toronto and as fans my friends and i had to go, and go we did. The show was fantastic and the availability of Alcohol and Marijuana made it even better, but the true story was the ride home. We took the Coronet because it was the biggest car in the group and since 5 of us were going it was a no brainer to take it. The problem started on the way home from Maple Leaf Gardens when the bowels started to kick in and the peeing sessions began. After 4 or 5 stops we decided to try to make it home without another stop to make last call at a bar in town so we began to hold it and pray. It did no good. As we hit the Petro station just outside of town all hell was going to break loose as all 5 of us had to pee and pee badly, so into the station we flew and the sight would make us laugh for many a year later.

As the car entered the exit to the station we were doing a little over the speed limit and we were all holding everything in but we could not wait until the car completely stopped so i slapped on the brakes, went into a skid, stopped the car at a weird angle and 5 guys fell out of the 2 doors and proceeded to Begin dispensing our fluids. The worst part we were right beside 2 OPP cruisers and who were staring at us in total disbelieve. After we were finished we got back into the car and slowly drove off with the Police just staring at what they had just seen.

Maybe you had to be there, but it was quite a scene and one that we will never forget.

My Juke Box

Don't Go/Hothouse Flowers

[via FoxyTunes / Hothouse Flowers]

The first of many videos to come. My favourite songs from every generation. Enjoy. This is the Hothouse flowers and Don't Go.

Signs i am getting older[part 1]

Now this is a definite sign that i am getting older. When i was younger Saturday night meant drinking and carousing. Now i may still once in a while do that but staying at home and making cookies with my granddaughter and drinking coffee is what i seem to do more.

Another Winters Day

and we still have about 2 more months of this crap!

Guelph Ave 1900

This is a now famous picture looking up Guelph Ave towards the fisher Mills area, it was taken around 1900. Notice the old Queens hotel that we now call Ernies still looks the same.

More crap that bugs me

People that i run into at a movie or event and ask me "what are you doing here" simple idiot, i am either stalking you or doing my taxes, what the hell do you think.

New and Improved on packaging...what you were giving us crap before that, trust me i have tried the new and improved Special k and it sucks, nothing improved about that.

You can't have your cake and eat it too..want to bet? If i buy a cake i am damn well going to eat it.

Able -bodied people on welfare---put them to work and they can be just as incompetent as the rest of us, and they will feel better about it.

Donald Trump---I think he is Satan.

Can i ask you a Question?---you have started, you might as well finish

Anyone else have problems getting the wrappers off CD cases?-drives me nuts

People that point at their arms when asking for the time.

The sound of people eating

Cornball News Anchor names-Wolf Blitzer,Stone Phillips Willow Bay---please where is Harvey Kirk when you need him

Guys over 40 with ponytails, really. But not that guy up in the right hand corner.

What the Hell does that mean[chapter 1]

Just some sayings that bug me.

A bird in the hand is worth two in the bush......Makes no sense two birds are better than one. Plus the one in my hand would probably crap in it.

A bitter pill....Anytime I am sick a pill is not bitter to me

A chip off the old block.....A chip off of anything and my wife makes me throw it out.

A diamond in the rough....I don't care where you find a diamond it's all worth the same.

A feather in his cap....o.k., if any guy in my neighborhood growing up put a feather in his cap we would have beat him up.

The hair of the dog...This one has never made sense to me. Iknow what it means but really, this and A dogs breakfast, totally stupid.

A happy camper...Any time I can get camping is a happy time, I don't know any unhappy campers.

A Mexican standoff....Is it different than a Swedish standoff, and what do they call it in Mexico? A Washington standoff?

Ain't just whistling Dixie.....Don't get it and don't care about this one

Apple of my eye....I don't like apples that much and apples go bad real quick after you peel them

Bump in the night....Bump in the day is just as bad I think...


That is all for now, there are plenty more and when I have time I will post some that really bug me.